cepat.cepat.raih.belajar.konsentrasi.janji.pindah.marah.bosan.ingin jadi perhatian.cepat.cepat.menua.melemah.lari.angkat.keringat.konsentrasi.muak.cepat.cepat.tak ada waktu untuk kamu.tak ada waktu untuk kalian.ingin.iri.dengki.mana keadilan.belajar.konsentrasi.hitung.hafal.jenuh.tak ingin disini.tak nyaman disana.ingin jadi perhatian.tak sesuai rencana.marah.cepat.cepat.lagi-lagi buang waktu.pupus kesabaran.berisik.orang-orang menyebalkan.persetan.kurung diri.rencana.uang.waktu.tenaga.putus asa.jangan.bangkit.cepat.cepat.

Akankah aku tersungkur oleh dengkiku sendiri?
Yang jeli menangkap mulut-mulut besar dan jiwa kosong
padahal tahu diriku tak kalah kopong
Namun muak ini di luar kendali

I love Kurt Cobain. Almost as much as I love making music. I don't know why but lately I've been going nineties all over again. Ah, probably becos of that Courtney Love dream I had. Back when I was in Junior High, I used to idolize him, but now I realized that I haven't really knew what I liked about him then. That's why my go ga-ga attitude was different from my best friend who was crazy about Billy Joe. I mean, I did found him attractive then, physically, and he had a cool way of talking, and he's one hell of a musician, but that's that. Is it probably because he already died that I chose not to be that bananas on him..it's not like I'm going to see a Nirvana concert or something. Anyway, deep inside, I wasn't that crazy about him. Come to think of it. He has such an American face, that if he shaved and cleaned up he'd probably be a perfect model citizen. I'm not really keen on blond hair and chin dimples either. Anyway, I didn't quite get him then. I was 15 anyway.

And now, after over ten years I re-watched the clips over on the net and realized that he is one pretty, pretty human being. He is hot. Unbelievably hot. No wonder I didn't see it back then cos it's not about his face, but rather his expressions and attitude. It's the way he rolls his eyes or smirks or giggles or play with his hair, that gives out such honest expressions of vulnerability. He never tries to be the tough guy. A little on the fag side, but that's probably intentional anyway, recalling his strong anti-sexist attitude. Before those guys in MCR were kissing each other, the guys in Nirvana already did (not the Ferrard lip-lock tho) He is melt-in-your-mouth sweet. And that was in the time when all rock bands were supposed to act like womanizing assholes. He stood up for what he believed, and THAT'S manly for me!

There's also this combination of naivete and cynicism that works so well with him. You could just see the little boy in him confused in, like, 'what's everyone doing? what's happening?', then that sleepy eyes widened and the hunched posture stiffened a little. And yet that horribly intelligent irony that he always had with him...like the time he wore a ball gown to the headbanger's ball, and the brilliant song 'rape me', again I am mesmerized by such an anti-sexist, slightly feminist attitude. Was he hetero? oh hell yeah. And he was not one to shy out on sex either. But he managed a lustful yet respectable attitude towards women. He also has a great sense of humor, tho mostly combined with, again, irony. You could see it in the early interviews. Actually 'I hate Myself and I Want To Die' was almost definitely an irony, not a deathwish as the press claimed.

To end this, a few quotes and facts:
Kurt was a slob. He once hired a maid to clean up his house, she went inside and ran out screaming 'The devil lives here!'
"Wearing a dress shows I can be as feminine as I want," he says, in a jab at the macho undercurrents that he detests in rock. "I'm a heterosexual... big deal. But if I was a homosexual, it wouldn't matter either."(thanks to kinderwhore doll for this quote)
"I would rather quit my band and join Hole...but we're (Kurt and Courtney) too intertwined with each other"
"best fuck in the world" - On Courtney
Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing and playing what you want.
The worst crime is faking it.
If any of you dislike gays or women or blacks, please leave us the fuck alone (lining in incestiside album
Lastly, I AM sorry if I misquote or something. no rights whatsoever. Anyway, pretty..pretty soul. RIP

I'm sorry, I don't feel like doing this anymore.
what?
well, you know, this and that...

Bila tiba waktunya, semoga aku masih bisa mengucap maaf dan terima kasih yang sungguh kau pantas dapatkan dariku...

I feel like making out with a Nirvana song in the background and dried flower petals underneath me...

Beauty tips Shared by Audrey Hepburn:
FFor attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.
Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!
Sam Levenson
Posted October 1999
Contrary to what some may think, Audrey Hepburn did not write this beautiful poem, Sam Levenson did. Levenson wrote "Time Tested Beauty Tips" for his grandchild, and it just so happened to be one of Audrey's favorite poems. She read it to her children on the very last Christmas Eve she spent with us here on Earth.
That's Sweet! OMG isn't that sweet!! sniff...don't you think that's really sweet???

He is a Muslim and he's in it deep, yet it's more of a spiritual thing not the fanatic, hypocritical thing. He's a vegetarian, except for the odd seafood treats. He loves animals. He has an English sense of humor. He's well-balanced and coordinated, and could remember directions well. He speaks English wonderfully. In fact, he speaks several languages. He's well-mannered to everyone and good-natured. Yet, he fights like a street mutherfucker when someone goes too far. He's honest. He rarely smokes or drinks and mostly he does it when he's alone or with me. He doesn't let petty emotions get to him. He keeps his deep emotions deep but doesn't flaunt it. He loves music, and has a special favorite genre. He plays the piano and a bit of guitar. He doesn't care about brands, only quality. He probably works as a vet or an architect. He's unquestionably intelligent. He's environmental and socially conscious but has his treats every now and then. He likes a few sports, but definitely not the jock type. He's more organized than me. He lets me be free. Most of the time he's just calm, yet funny and comforting.

Mungkin sekarang sudah nggak bisa seperti dulu lagi,
Atau mungkin kalian menganggap saya sombong,
Tidak mau ikut berusaha bersama kalian,
Tidak ingin tertawa lagi bersama kalian,
Tapi ini semua nggak semudah itu,
Semua ini sedang menjadi rumit bagi saya,
Dan saya nggak minta dimengerti juga,
Cuma ingin berkata, dan ini mungkin hanya didengar saya,
Bahwa saya sayang, sayang kalian,
Hingga saat ini, sekarang.
Maafkan saya...

yang berkutat dengan instrumennya.
yang selalu bernyanyi di dekat saya atau bersama saya
meskipun tidak pernah untuk saya.
yang menceritakan kisah cinta dan kisah masa lalunya.
yang menikmati musik dengan sederhana.
yang tak punya waktu untuk menghina.
yang seakan tak sadar akan harta.
yang mengisi hidup dengan cinta.