I love Kurt Cobain. Almost as much as I love making music. I don't know why but lately I've been going nineties all over again. Ah, probably becos of that Courtney Love dream I had. Back when I was in Junior High, I used to idolize him, but now I realized that I haven't really knew what I liked about him then. That's why my go ga-ga attitude was different from my best friend who was crazy about Billy Joe. I mean, I did found him attractive then, physically, and he had a cool way of talking, and he's one hell of a musician, but that's that. Is it probably because he already died that I chose not to be that bananas on him..it's not like I'm going to see a Nirvana concert or something. Anyway, deep inside, I wasn't that crazy about him. Come to think of it. He has such an American face, that if he shaved and cleaned up he'd probably be a perfect model citizen. I'm not really keen on blond hair and chin dimples either. Anyway, I didn't quite get him then. I was 15 anyway.

And now, after over ten years I re-watched the clips over on the net and realized that he is one pretty, pretty human being. He is hot. Unbelievably hot. No wonder I didn't see it back then cos it's not about his face, but rather his expressions and attitude. It's the way he rolls his eyes or smirks or giggles or play with his hair, that gives out such honest expressions of vulnerability. He never tries to be the tough guy. A little on the fag side, but that's probably intentional anyway, recalling his strong anti-sexist attitude. Before those guys in MCR were kissing each other, the guys in Nirvana already did (not the Ferrard lip-lock tho) He is melt-in-your-mouth sweet. And that was in the time when all rock bands were supposed to act like womanizing assholes. He stood up for what he believed, and THAT'S manly for me!

There's also this combination of naivete and cynicism that works so well with him. You could just see the little boy in him confused in, like, 'what's everyone doing? what's happening?', then that sleepy eyes widened and the hunched posture stiffened a little. And yet that horribly intelligent irony that he always had with him...like the time he wore a ball gown to the headbanger's ball, and the brilliant song 'rape me', again I am mesmerized by such an anti-sexist, slightly feminist attitude. Was he hetero? oh hell yeah. And he was not one to shy out on sex either. But he managed a lustful yet respectable attitude towards women. He also has a great sense of humor, tho mostly combined with, again, irony. You could see it in the early interviews. Actually 'I hate Myself and I Want To Die' was almost definitely an irony, not a deathwish as the press claimed.

To end this, a few quotes and facts:
Kurt was a slob. He once hired a maid to clean up his house, she went inside and ran out screaming 'The devil lives here!'
"Wearing a dress shows I can be as feminine as I want," he says, in a jab at the macho undercurrents that he detests in rock. "I'm a heterosexual... big deal. But if I was a homosexual, it wouldn't matter either."(thanks to kinderwhore doll for this quote)
"I would rather quit my band and join Hole...but we're (Kurt and Courtney) too intertwined with each other"
"best fuck in the world" - On Courtney
Punk is musical freedom. It's saying, doing and playing what you want.
The worst crime is faking it.
If any of you dislike gays or women or blacks, please leave us the fuck alone (lining in incestiside album
Lastly, I AM sorry if I misquote or something. no rights whatsoever. Anyway, pretty..pretty soul. RIP